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A Birthmother's Memory(Poem)
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Back in 1984 when I was young and naive; I found myself pregnant. Not married, just pregnant. I turned to my parents for help. But they were so embarrassed that they couldn't get past their pride.
John and I tried to get married, but it wasn't allowed. My parents tried to talk me into having an abortion, but I refused. I was sent away to live with strangers for the duration of my pregnancy.
Despite the fact that they knew I did not want to give up my baby, despite the fact that they knew there was no good reason to make me...they applied tremendous pressure for me to let my baby be adopted.
Adoption was going to be used to punish my baby and myself. When I refused to work with a lawyer or agency my Mother began arranging the adoption over the telephone. I knew what she was doing but I couldn't stop her. I was not yet mature enough to stand up against my Mother's manipulation.
I went through the pregnancy and the birth all alone. My beautiful new daughter brought a new dimension into my life: I never knew I could love anyone so much.
The day after her birth, my cousin arrived at the hospital and subsequently left with my new daughter in her arms. For a few years Pat sent letters and pictures, but eventually Jen's adoptive family broke contact with me completely.
Since it is an inter-family adoption, and the family was not being supportive. I found myself alone as I dealt with the grief of loosing a child.
My heart was broken. In the years that followed I experienced bitterness and anger.
During those years I questioned anything I had ever been taught and everything I had ever believed:
I questioned whether God is omnipotent,
whether I was worth loving,
whether family was worth having,
and whether life was worth living.
Those were very tough years.
My wonderful God has brought me through those years. He has healed my broken heart and answered all of my questions.
I am so very thankful for.....
God's faithfulness to me,
for my husband's support when I was impossible.
for the friends who stuck by me when times were tough and they couldn't understand
and for my wonderful children who offer me so much hope for the future.
Jen is 16 now. A couple of years ago she began writing to me and we have built a most unique and special relationship. She knows that I love her and she loves me. That is a wonderful blessing. I give God the credit for our reunion.
I hope that you too, will ask The Lord for His help when tough times come into your life. I promise that He will be there for you, as He has been for me.
Joey
Thanks for letting me share my story with you. Please don't leave without visiting Jen's site. There is a link to it from the link's page.
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Thank you for letting me share my story with you today. You are welcomed to write to me at my email address:
PurpleRibbons@msn.com
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